


Trust I Seek (And I Find In You)

by orphan_account



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Elementary School, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Bullying, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Foster Care, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minor Character Death, Octaven, use of alcohol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4246395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Octavia is the shy stuttering girl afraid to make new friends. Raven is the pretty girl with big brown eyes that became her best friend over the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! First of all, thank you for having interest in this story; the summary is shit, but yeah. I would also like to say that English is not my first language. 
> 
> The title is a lyric of Nothing Else Matters- Metallica. Hope you'll enjoy this Octaven fic!

We were all sitting in circles, every 23 of us. I was sitting crossed-legged, looking around with a very confused gaze. Mother told me to be on my best behaviour and I nodded, because I didn’t want to disappoint her at all. She wanted me to talk to boys and girls and not be mean with them, because I would spend the whole year with them. I didn’t wanted them to hate me too, but I never really had friends before, except Bellamy, but that didn’t count because Bellamy was my older brother. 

The teacher, Mrs. Cartwright, seemed to be very nice. She introduced herself first, saying that she had been a kindergarten’s teacher for now five years and I thought that it was very impressive. She looked quite young for a teacher, but I liked it. I didn’t wanted to have Mrs. Kane, like Bellamy did last year. He told me that she was nice, but rather smelly and had grey hair. I was pretty sure that he would be jealous of me. 

Mrs. Cartwright said that she had two cats and a dog. A few of other kids asked if they could see a picture of them and she answered that she would bring one the next day. I yawned; first period was a little bit early, I usually stayed in bed until 7:30 or 8:00, but today I was at school at 7:45, so it meant that I had to get up earlier than normal. I took the school bus with Bellamy and sat in the front, because he told me that the older kids always sat in the back – I knew he thought they were cool and popular.

After the teacher introduced herself as a cat and dog lover, she asked for us to tell a bit about ourselves. I did feel nervous, because I usually keep quiet around other people, but I reminded myself that Mother told me to be nice with people. Hopefully, I was one of the latest kids that had to talk. 

My turn finally came and I felt my cheeks get red. “He- Hello, my… n.. name is Octavia.” I frowned, because I suddenly was stuttering and some kids looked at me like I was an alien coming right from space. That must have been the most embarrassing moment of my short life. 

“Octavia is such a beautiful name.” Mrs. Cartwright said to me with an encouraging tone. I squirmed and smiled at her shyly; I didn’t know what to tell her about myself. It didn’t seem to discourage her from trying to get me to talk a little more. “And how old are you?”

She smiled back at me and I spoke, playing nervously with my hands. They were sweaty and gross and I knew it was because of my nervousness. “Five.” It was very short, but it kept me from stuttering and making a fool of myself in front of other kids. If I wanted to have friend, I would have to work on my speaking skills. Maybe that was just because they were just all staring at me, all 22 kids and the teacher. 

“Good. When’s your birthday?” She asked, offering me a bigger smile. 

“In October. The… the 25th.” 

“Do you own any pets?”  
“No.” I answered; Mother was allergic to cats and dogs, so she told us that we would only get one when we’ll be in our own home. As long as we would live with her, she could not allow to have any pets. I asked her for a snake, but she told me I was crazy and that snakes ate mice and I would never be able to feed it with an alive mouse. She was right; I would rather keep the mouse as another pet. Snakes should not eat mice. 

“What is your mom’s job, sweetheart?” Mrs. Cartwright asked me and I hope that she would pick up the next boy or girl, because I didn’t wanted to answer her questions no more. 

“She… she works… She is a…” I took a deep breath, trying to focus on what I had to answer. “Lawyer.”

A boy named Cage laughed and the teacher stared at him for a few seconds, shushing him. The mean boy frowned and looked down, probably embarrassed or something. I was not happy because he laughed at me. “So, your mother is a lawyer.” The teacher noted. “What about your dad?”

I looked down and passed my tongue on my teeth really slowly. I didn’t wanted to talk about him; he was gone, he had a fight with Mother two years ago, he got drunk and then things happened. Mother doesn’t want to talk to me about it; I was only 3 and Bellamy 5 years old. He doesn’t want to talk about it either, because I think he really liked him. Me, I don’t remember much, because I was too young. I remember a few things about the funeral, but not that much. Sometimes, I hear Bellamy cry in his sleep, because I know he misses him a lot. I miss him a bit too. 

Mrs. Cartwright took my silence for an answer and decided to choose another kid to introduce to the group. She put a hand on my shoulder for a few seconds and then the next kids started to talk about themselves. 

“My name is Clarke. I’m six, my mommy works at the hospital. Daddy repairs big machines and create them.” So, her daddy was an inventor or something cool like that. A little blonde haired girl said with a huge smile. “I don’t have pets too, but I’d like to have a kitty.” She said, looking at me. 

“Thank you, Clarke.” I was a bit jealous of her introduction; Clarke was not shy, she talked a lot and the teacher didn’t spend as much attention as she did with me. She choose the next one. 

“Raven, I just turned six.” A dark brown haired girl, sitting just besides Clarke, told to the group. “I don’t know my mommy or my daddy.” I thought that she was very pretty with her big brown eyes and her smile. 

I raised my eyebrows, because I thought that it was not possible. Everyone was supposed to know their parents, after all. Who raised her, then? Mrs. Cartwright looked at the young girl. “How come you don’t know them?”

“I don’t know, they just left me, I think. I lived at an orphanage until I was 4, but now I live with my foster family.” She answered, but she did not look very worried about not knowing her parents. I knew what an orphanage was; Mother told me that kids with no parents had often disorders or other problems were sometimes sent there. Raven nodded and crossed her arms on her chest. I was curious about this girl, but I didn’t wanted to ask her private questions. “I like them a lot.” She said and the teacher nodded. 

I learned a few names of the kids in my class: there were Clarke, Raven, Anya, Lexa, Wells, Finn, Jasper and Monty. They all had different things to tell to the teacher and the rest of the class when they introduced themselves. At the playtime, I stood for ten long minutes, sitting against the wall of the school, where no one could hit me with a ball. Everyone seemed to get along well with at least one or two kids, except for me. The idea of not fitting with them scared me. I didn’t wanted to be left alone in a corner every playtime. I wanted to have fun. 

After ten minutes, a young brunette with long and curvy brown hair came to sit with me. I frowned, trying to remember her name for a second. “Lexa?” She nodded and looked at me with a very serious expression for a kid. “Do you… do… you want to p.. play?” My stuttering was getting worse and I hated that, truly. I never struggled to talk before this day, I swear. 

“I can get a soccer ball from the teacher, if you want.” She told me, keeping a straight face. 

I considered the offer for a few seconds, then get up on my feet, quickly followed by the other young brunette. Lexa asked if they could borrow the soccer ball to the teacher, with a very polite voice. She took the ball in her hands and we moved to the soccer net. A few other kids joined us and we finally teamed up, Lexa being the captain of the first team and me for the second. I was honoured in some ways. 

When playtime was over and we needed to get to our class for the afternoon’s classes, Lexa walked with me inside the school. “You played good.” She told me, with a very, very small smile. I shyly smiled back at her and thanked her with a quick nod. 

 

After the first week of school, I found myself getting up earlier because I wanted to see my new friends. Since we were sharing the same class, I could spend more time with them. I got closer to Lexa and Clarke, because they always wanted to be with me at playtimes and just play. I think that Bellamy was a bit jealous; we didn’t spend as much time together and, when we did, I always talked to him about what I did in school with them. 

Two months after the end of the summer came my birthday, on October 25th. I would finally be six, just like all my friends. I was the youngest of them. 

Since I only told when my birthday was on the first day of kindergarten, I didn’t expect that anyone remembered it. That was why I was very surprised when Raven came to me with a shy smile, handing me a handcrafted birthday card with “Octavia!!!” clumsily written on it. She looked at mye, probably trying to figure out if I liked her gift. I held her gaze for a moment before my lips broke into a huge smile. Raven was one of my friends I got along the most and I liked her because she was very pretty and kind with me. 

“You like it?” She asked me, raising a brow.

“Yeah.” I nodded and realized that Clarke and Lexa suddenly appeared next to Raven and I. They looked at the card in my hands and looked at each other with panicked expressions. I understood that they forgot about my birthday; I was not sad because I never really reminded them the day it was. 

“Sorry, I forgot when your birthday was.” Lexa spoke and pouted; she wanted to give me a gift too and she felt guilty. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” I insisted, smiling a little. I wasn’t mad at her for forgetting my birthday and I knew she would probably never forget it again. The bell rang and every kids rushed inside the school, trying to be at their desks before everyone else, just like it was a race or something. 

That very same day, Clarke handed over her chocolate cake and wished me a happy birthday. Everyone in my small friend group started to sing and I blushed vigorously at them, not used to receive such a lot attention. Finally, just when the last bell rang, I was putting on my schoolbag on my shoulder and was stopped by Lexa. She smiled at me and hugged me so hard that I almost choked. I felt Lexa grabbing my hands and then slowly put something around my wrist. I looked down and realized it was a bracelet, just a bit too big for me, but it was a gift and I adored it already. “I made it with Mrs. Cartwright.” She told me and I saw the corner of her lips move in a very small smile. Lexa wasn’t one to smile a lot, but her face showed the most of her feelings. 

“I like it.” I thanked her, looking at her in the eyes. ¸

When I got home, Bellamy gave me his gift; a book. Mother gave me a sweater and also made me a carrot cake, my favourite. It had surely been the best day of my life so far. 

 

Over the summer between kindergarten and first grade, I didn’t get to see much my friends. Clarke had been on a road trip with her parents and Lexa was sent to a summer camp out of town. As for Raven, she was probably the one I played with the most, since her foster family was leaving close to my house. We got closer together and she spent a lot of time at my house. My cousin was babysitting us, but she played more with Bellamy than she watched us. 

We were sitting in the living room, in front of the television, when I saw Raven looking at Bellamy for a fraction of seconds. They smiled at each other and he walked out of the room. “You… have a crush. On Bell?” I asked the other brunette with a frown. 

She shook her head negatively and then blushed furiously, avoiding my gaze. I didn’t like the sound of it; Raven and Bellamy. Bellamy and Raven. No, my friends couldn’t have a crush on my brother, just like my brother couldn’t have a crush on any of my friends. He was too old for them… and he was my brother. I was not furious, maybe only disappointed. I knew Raven showed interest in boys, but I was still thinking that boys were gross and idiots all the time, including Bellamy. 

 

In 2nd grade, I had classes with only Lexa and Raven. I was a little bit disappointed, because I wanted to share classes with all my friends. Still, we got closer since we always were together. To the point that I called them my best friends, and they called me their best friends too. I was very happy, until the day Clarke came at me at playtime, when we were playing with the soccer ball, kicking it into the net. 

“Raven has a crush on Bell!” She told me with a smug smirk, then looked at Raven with a mischievous look. My eyes met Raven’s and I saw her cheeks getting redder in only a fraction of a seconds. 

“No, I have not!” She replied angrily to Clarke. Then I felt the eyes of all my friends on us three, as they realized that we were fighting. I looked at Raven, the feeling of betrayal slowly growing inside me. She couldn’t have a crush on Bellamy. She told me that she didn’t like him that way, the summer before 1st grade. She said that she liked him, only because he was my brother and for nothing else. A part of me was jealous because she was not totally giving her attention to me. I was her friend and Bellamy was not; I deserved to be the one she was giving attention. Not him.

But I knew what guilt looked like on Raven’s face and I knew she truly had a crush on my brother when her hands disappeared in the pockets of her jeans. She gulped slowly and looked away. Clarke decided that it was the right moment to push the knife in the wound. “Oh, you totally do!”

“Shut up!” Raven yelled at the blonde girl. Anya and Lexa came closer to hear what was going on between us and I crossed my hands on my chest, trying to hide me emotions. Mrs. Kane, that I had the chance to have as my teacher that year, came to us with a very serious expression. 

The elder woman brought her hands into fists and put them at her hips. The tension was palpable between us and I felt tears in the corners or my eyes. I knew I was angry at Raven for not telling me or simply to have a crush on Bellamy, even though I would not have been happy about it, but I couldn’t help to react the way I had. “Raven, we will not tolerate this kind of behaviour towards other kids, you have to be nice to each other.” She sighed and looked at the young brunette, who just looked down at her feet. “You will be in detention tomorrow, while playtime.”

“But –" Raven started to protest at the teacher, who shook her head and shushed her.

“There is no point in protesting, young girl.” She said to her. “Apologize to Clarke.” There was a few seconds of silence and I felt bad for both Raven and the blonde. “Now, please.” Mrs. Kane insisted. 

“I am sorry I had been mean to you, Clarke.” She said in a low tone, so low that I almost not heard it. The teacher nodded at the apologies and walked away, probably considering that Raven was regretting enough the way she had been with the blonde a few minutes ago. The bell rang and everyone rushed into the school. 

That encounter was one of the last time Clarke and Raven spoke. I got paired up in a class project with the other brunette and I felt really bad because I hadn’t speak to her since then. Things were awkward at first, we only kept our attention on the project to get it done. I really missed Raven and she ended up at my house on the weekend, for the project again, but we finally talked about the fight between her and Clarke. I told her that I never wanted to pick sides and she said she understood and wasn’t mad at me, nor Clarke. She just wanted us to have fun all together again. 

We watched television together that day, sprawled on the living room’s couch. I noticed that Raven didn’t even look up at Bellamy when he came to annoy us, she just kept looking at the small screen. My brother eventually got bored and left us. When I asked her if she was feeling okay, she told me that “Whatever, boys are stupid” and I nodded slightly. Mother told us that our way to look at boys will change and that we needed to give it time; we were only 8, after all. Still, a part of me was relieved that Raven had no more crush over Bellamy. I got my best friend back, a few weeks after the encounter with her and my blonde friend. 

 

School started back so quickly after the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade. Clarke and Raven were in my class that year, along with Monty, Jasper, Anya and Lexa. The only ones from my friend group that were not in my class was Finn and Wells, who shared a class together, though. 

I was afraid that the tension would be worse between my two friends, but it didn’t last very long. After less than a year, Clarke and Raven began to talk to each other again and I felt that a weight on my shoulders was lifted. I knew the blonde never wanted to hurt Raven, but being yelled at irritated her. But it was in the past; everything was perfectly fine now. 

That very same year, there was a new student at school. He transferred from another country and he was very cute, just a little bit older than me. His name was Atom and his father was in the military. Raven noticed me looking at him once in our gym class and she smirked at me. I blushed furiously and stared at my feet. She said nothing, but I knew she wanted me to talk to him or something. Since I was not paying attention, a ball hit the back of my head and I fell face first on the ground. I hit my forehead hard and felt tears in my eyes, but it wasn’t from the pain, only because the fall really surprised me. Okay, maybe from the pain, just a little. 

Atom came to me and sat on the ground, helping me to sit. He looked at me with worried eyes and I felt butterflies in my stomach. Maybe that was just because I hit my head on the ground, not because the boy was caring about my well-being. Mr. Jackson, the substitute gym teacher, ran towards us and looked at me. I heard him swear very, very low and he said he would call Mother, because I cut my forehead and I probably should go to the hospital to check for a concussion. 

The new student apologized a few times before Mother arrived at school. The nurse took well care of me, but my forehead was hurting a lot and I started crying when I saw her enter the secretary. I couldn’t stop the tears and she took me into her arms, my legs wrapped around her waist. I leaned my head on her shoulder and pressed a hand on my forehead, even though it really was hurting. The nurse told me to keep a pressure against the cut, so it didn’t bleed too much. The smell of blood made me dizzy. Hopefully, I was in Mother’s arms, because she told me after that I passed out, there. 

I had a concussion; I didn’t feel well for the next few days and I spent until the weekend at my grand-mother’s house, mostly sleeping. She made me soup and I was very grateful to spend time with her, even if I would have liked better if I wasn’t hurt. I needed to remove my stiches on Monday, so I missed the first two classes and Mother dropped me at school for my third, after she took me at a small fast food for a burger. My friends jumped on me and Raven protested. “Guys, she just came back! Don’t strangle her!” Our teacher, who was back, told the group to let me go and to pay attention. Raven winked at me and I grinned at her. I was happy to see my friends again, especially the brunette. I always had fun with Raven and our previous fight, about her having a crush on my brother, was totally forgotten. 

The day after I got back at school, Atom came at me while playtime and he looked really sweet. He was concerned about how I was feeling and everything, but I knew he wanted to know if I was mad at him for unintentionally hitting me with a ball during gym class. I shook my head and smiled at him. “No, it.. it was just.. an a… accident.” It had been a long time since I stuttered to someone; I was speaking easily with my friends and teacher, only if a small group of person was looking at me. The entire class? No, it was harder. Just imagining me during an oral presentation scared me to death; everyone would look at me. 

I felt the eyes of my friends on my back and Atom smiled at me. He stepped closer and hugged me carefully; that was, by far, the sweetest thing a boy ever did for me, except for my brother. We looked at each other and the he got back to his friends. Mine looked at me with a smug look and I knew I was redder than a tomato when the bell rang. Not long ago, I thought that all boys were gross and stupid, but not Atom. He was kind to me. Maybe boys are not all gross and stupid, after all. 

The summer between 3rd and 4th grade went so quickly. Mother sent Bellamy and I to the summer camp, the same one that Lexa went for several years in a row. It was out of town and I didn’t get to see much my other friends. Lexa was a gentle brunette with very beautiful eyes. I remembered that she was the first kid to talk to me in kindergarten and I was glad, because I would not have been part of the group otherwise. She always had been a quiet girl and I liked that about her. Everything was simple with her and she didn’t push me to tell her that I had a crush on Atom. On the last week of summer camp, I noticed her looking at a girl named Costia and I suspected them to be in love with each other. I didn’t ask, because Lexa didn’t pushed me for Atom. Though, I liked that Lexa and I got closer over the summer, even if we didn’t talk a lot about stuff. There was no needed to it; we understood each other. 

 

Eventually, summer was over and I was the last of my group to turn 10 years old. Clarke threw a party at her house, because she wanted us to celebrate all together the start of school and my birthday. I really liked it; Abby, Clarke’s mother, let us alone in the house for the rest of the evening, making sure that we had enough food, drinks and movies to keep us distracted, because she had to go at the hospital and work late. Clarke’s dad, named Jake, had to make a night shift at his work, but Abby said that they could call them if there was an emergency, they wouldn’t care. 

We had a lot of fun; we ate pizza and drank soft drinks. We put air mattresses in the living room and we wrapped ourselves in sleeping bags. Since I didn’t have a mattress on my own, Raven proposed me to share hers and I thanked her with a big smile. Lexa and Clarke shared the futon, Jasper was with Monty and Finn with Wells. Anya said that she rather sleep alone, saying that, “I’ll murder anyone who will dare wake me up”. Not knowing if she was just joking or not, everyone nodded and let her sleep on her own mattress. 

In the middle of the second movie, I felt that my eyelids were heavy and closed my eyes for what I thought was only a minute. When I opened my eyes, everyone was already asleep and I felt Raven scooting closer to me; her body was warm and I felt very good there. I looked at her and noticed that she was smiling, even though the room was dark. Our faces were close and I felt my cheeks warming up. I’ve never been that close to any friends. “Goodnight, O.” She told me, “Goodnight, Raven.” I whispered back. Our forehead were slightly brushing and I felt the warm breath of my friend that smelled like mint toothpaste. I felt really comfortable. 

I woke up the next morning with Raven cuddled up against me. I liked to be physically close to her; the brunette’s presence was reassuring. Everyone was still asleep and I looked at my sleeping buddy, my eyes wandering from her closed eyes to her lips. A few seconds after, I realized that she noticed me watching her, because she smiled at me and opened her eyes. I smiled back at her and then got up to go to the bathroom. 

Nothing really important happened before 5th grade. I noticed that Clarke didn’t attend our class for over a week and I asked my friends about her. None of them knew what was going on with her; she didn’t complained that she was sick. Our group started to wonder about her and we asked the teacher if she knew when Clarke would be back in class. Her expression darkened when she understood that the youngsters didn’t heard about Clarke. She told them to maybe wait a little for the other student to come back in class.

Wells called at Clarke’s and Abby answered. She told him that Clarke could need her friends right not and we all asked our parents if we could go over the Griffin’s. They agreed and we arrived at her house forty five minutes later. Clarke’s mother opened the front door and offered them a very small smile. Everyone knew it was a forced one. “She is in her room.” She informed the small group, allowing them inside the house. 

We moved to Clarke’s room and found the blonde on her bed, under the blankets. Her eyes were red and puffy, everyone knew she had been crying a lot. Lexa was the first one to get in the bed and hug her best friend. At the contact, Clarke immediately started to cry again and then we took a place in the small single bed. They all laid a hand on her, trying to comfort her, even though they didn’t know why she was crying. 

Minutes passed, then hours. The small bedroom was silent, occasionally interrupted by Clarke’s soft sobbing. Everyone was surprized to hear the blonde speak, because they thought she was never going to. “My dad is gone.” Her cheeks are assaulted by another flow of tears. “He’s gone.” I felt a familiar pain in my chest and looked at my friend, even though I was too young to know the real signification of death when my father passed away. Mother never wanted to talk about it, nor Bellamy, but I remembered the ache I felt when I realized that my daddy was very much gone. 

A tear fell down my cheek and I swallowed hardly. We were too young to face the death of a beloved one. “Everyone loved him so much.” Monty said with a sad voice and everyone nodded. Jake had always been the funniest, between Clarke’s parents. Now he was gone and I knew that the younger Griffin will have a hard time going through this.

I was never ready to leave Clarke’s house, especially with knowing that my friend was going through a rough time and dealing with her sadness. Hopefully, Clarke was back in school the next week and we tried everything to cheer her up. She eventually started to smile again, even though I often found her crying in the girl’s bathroom. Abby sent her once a week to a counselor, to help her to face with her father’s death and it helped her somehow. 

 

In 6th grade, Atom asked me to go to the school’s dance with him. At first, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go with him. He said that he would wait for my answer and that the offer would still stand until the dance. Since the event was approaching quickly, I accepted and he smiled at me. 

Raven looked at the exchange between the boy and me and smiled. “Someone has a date!” She teased me, nudging my ribs with her elbow. I wanted to react like it was nothing, like a friend asked me to go with him or something, but the truth was that I was totally crushing on Atom. Even if I told no one about it, Raven knew. She called it her sixth sense. Clarke looked at me and smiled; she would be going to the event with Finn. The rest of the group would go together, as friends. I felt Raven’s gaze on me and I blushed, not answering her. 

The dance went terribly wrong, in fact. Atom couldn’t dance for shit and he stepped on my toes probably more times than I had teeth in my mouth. We had a slow dance together and I felt him looking at me shyly. He brought me into a hallway and held me close for a moment. I wasn’t feeling bad about being pulled against him, nor was I feeling good too. He was breathing heavily and next thing I felt was his lips pressing against mine. I was shocked and I didn’t react, but the boy most have thought that it was okay for him to keep going. He cupped my face and I didn’t move or try to push him away, because maybe that was how kissing was. 

I stopped him when he tried to shove his tongue down my throat and I looked at him with a reluctant face. He asked me if I was okay and I simply nodded, saying that I wanted to see my friends for a moment. He agreed and told me that he would be waiting for me with his friends, a small smile on his lips. He probably felt proud of himself for kissing me. 

Moving to the gym, I looked for someone to talk to. No one was very available, except for Raven, who caught my gaze as soon as I started to walk towards her. “Bathroom. Now.” I said, grabbing her hand and dragging her with me, giving her no chance to react. She followed me and I stopped walking when we entered the girl’s bathroom. She gave me a concerned look, waiting for me to talk. I still needed to process that Atom kissed me; it felt weird, he pressed his lips too much against mine, it was wet and not romantic. Not like what Anya described it would be. “He… he k.. kissed me.” I stuttered, playing with my hands. 

“Atom?” She asked and I slightly moved my head in a nod. She quickly figured out that I didn’t like it and pulled me into a hug; it was honestly all I needed right now. We stayed in the girl’s bathroom, hugging for a long moment and, when we got out, I joined my friends instead of looking for my date. Raven made me dance and laugh and I started having a little bit of fun before Bellamy told me that we had to leave the school. Our mother was waiting for us in the car. Raven hugged me once more and I left the event. 

When we got back at school for classes, after the weekend, Atom came to talk with me and I shrugged at him, saying that the dance was nice but I wasn’t ready to date anyone – but especially him, but I didn’t tell him because he would have probably be sad or mad at me. He told me he understood and that he felt bad for pushing me, when he should’ve clearly ask permission to kiss me or at least know if I was okay about this. 

 

The rest of the year went good and summer came. It was the time of the year when Lexa, Bellamy and I were sent to the summer camp. Clarke came along too and I thought that it was a good idea to have her with us – even though everyone clearly knew it was because Abby didn’t wanted her 12 years old daughter to stay inside the house all summer, thinking about of the recent death of her father. I also knew that Clarke wanted to get away, because she needed some fresh air. She didn’t had to tell me, I simply figured it out. It worked; at the end of the summer, Clarke told her mother that she wanted to come back the next summer because she really had fun with us at the camp. I had a lot of fun too and I enjoyed seeing one of my best friends happier. 

We were waiting for Lexa inside the car and I noticed that my usually stoic friend wore a sad face, while hugging tightly Costia. The other girl lived at the other side of the country and Lexa wouldn’t see her before the next year. Abby understood that it was hard for such a young person to say goodbyes over and over every years. The brunette finally let go and entered the vehicle without saying a word. She sat at my side and then she looked at me. I saw a tear in the corner of her eye and she laid her head on my shoulder, grabbing my hand with hers. I knew she was in love with Costia the minute I saw Lexa around the other girl, but I understood that her feelings were not reciprocated. 

Over the next year of school, we made new additions to her group; Echo and a transfer student named Maya. I always considered myself a shy and quiet person, but Maya was the quietest person I’ve ever met. She was gentle and always smiled at everyone. I got along very well with her on many levels, but I think that she mostly was my friend because of Jasper and Monty; we didn’t share a lot of common things. 

I was now in 7th grade when I realized that Bellamy was showing interest in one of my friends; hopefully, it wasn’t Raven – I would probably have seen red or something. Bellamy was two years older than me, so he was now 15 years old. I came into his room to ask him about an assignment for my history class and he was always studying at this time. When I opened his bedroom’s door, he didn’t noticed me at first. He was laying on his bed, under the blankets, and his right hand was moving rapidly. I heard him panting and froze for a fraction of second, as I was assimilating what he was doing. It wasn’t long before he acknowledged my presence into his room and he quickly stop his occupation, throwing a piece of paper on his bed. “Get out!” He yelled at me and I ran out of his room, realizing that the paper he threw was actually a picture of Clarke. Bellamy was touching himself to a picture of my blonde friend. Bellamy was just… touching himself. I told Mother, of course, who seemed very angry at my brother for doing such things at his age, telling him that only adults were supposed to do it after marriage. Mother was a very religious woman, even if she didn’t find time to go to church. She had a house to pay and two kids to feed. She confiscated Bellamy’s picture of Clarke and grounded him. After seeing my brother in this position, I had a hard time to talk to him for a while, but things got back to normal eventually. 

 

When I turned 14 years old, Raven started to come sleep over at my house almost every weekend. We always had been really close and shared a very special bond. Each time I was with the other brunette, I seemed more confident and had a lot of fun; it wasn’t like when I was with Clarke, Lexa, Finn, Monty or Jasper. It was better. It was just me and Raven, even if we were hanging out with the rest of the group. 

It was the weekend before my birthday and Raven came over with her pillow and her schoolbag stuffed with clothes, candies and ketchup chips. Mother was at work really late; she supposedly was working on a big case, but I suspected her to have a relation with a man at her work. We were old enough to take care of ourselves without any adult supervision, but Bellamy was in the house if anything happened. 

We were sprawled on my living room’s couch, stuffing our mouth with unhealthy food, watching my favourite movie; John Tucker Must Die. I noticed that Raven stopped breathing while the two main actresses kissed, but didn’t say a word, not wanting to create an awkward situation with my best friend. The kiss didn’t bother me; it was cute, yet not very romantic because they just did it so one girl could practice a little before kissing John Tucker. I hated that guy, he was a cheater and didn’t deserve to be loved. Even if he was good looking. No girl should tolerate cheaters, Mother once told me. 

We stayed up very late that night; it was pass 1:30 and Raven said that she was tired. We brushed our teeth and changed into our sleeping clothes. I used the bathroom the last and then crawled into my bed. I thought Raven was sleeping, but she wasn’t yet. She smiled sleepily at me and waited till I laid on my back to put an arm around my waist. We always slept like that and, honestly, it was the only way I could sleep with her. I tried to sleep in another bed, but it was just so more comfortable with her. I felt her warm breath against my skin and I turned my head to look at her. “What are you thinking about, Rave?” I asked her, because she looked quite bothered by something. She sighed and closed her eyes. 

“I’ve never been kissed.” She muttered and I raised a brow. I knew that already, of course. Raven would have told me the minute after. I didn’t suspected that it would be something that could bother her. “It’s stupid, I know, but…”

“It’s not stupid at all.” I tried to reassure my best friend. “When Atom kissed me, I hated it.” I put my hands on Raven’s arm, wrapped around my waist. “You are not missing a lot, I can tell you.”

She opened her eyes and gaze at me for a few seconds. “Yeah, well, I can’t know if I haven’t tried. But I know I have quite a temper and that is why nobody want to approach me.”

“Not everyone.” I said, referring to me. 

“We’ve known each other since what, ten years now?” She smiled a little. “I can’t believe that. But my point is that you already know how I react to stuff. I don’t let people in easily, not like you.” 

I scoffed and poked her ribs. “I was the shy stuttering girl and I just had luck with you guys.” Raven chuckled. “I couldn’t afford to push people away.” 

“Yes, but you’re pretty and everyone just… like you.” She insisted, rolling her eyes at me. I knew she wasn’t mad, but I had to admit that making friends had been easier for me. Raven was always caught up in a fight with Clarke because it was just how they were together. The other brunette also had quite a temper with a few persons. Hopefully, not with me. 

“You’re pretty too, Rave.” 

“You think so?” She asked me and I nodded frantically. “Really?”

The genuine smile she gave me made my heart melt into my chest. Raven was the first girl in kindergarten that I noticed, because how sweet and beautiful she looked. “Can I ask you something?” My heart started pounding very hard in my chest as I felt my best friend’s gaze pierce through me. I arched my eyebrow in response. “Would you… kiss me?”

“Why?” I muttered, my gaze lowering to her lips. 

“Because you’re my best friend and I don’t want any gross boy shoving his tongue into my mouth like Atom did to you.” She said and I remembered when the boy I had a crush on kiss me at that school dance thing. I hated it and I ended up joining my friends instead of being alone with him. “I trust you, O. But if you don’t wanna do–”

I interrupted her mid-sentence, then realized that she was no longer talking because my lips were brushing hers. We were close at the point that our noses were touching and, suddenly, I was afraid that the kiss would be just like the one with Atom. But I had butterflies in my stomach, a feeling I didn’t have back then. My hands were sweating, but I didn’t care; all I could focus on was the mint breath of Raven on my lips.

Pressing my lips slowly on hers, I kissed her slowly, just like what I imagined the perfect kiss would be. Raven remained frozen and I pulled back after a few seconds, seeing that she was not responding. I blushed furiously and looked away. “Sorry, I… I… didn’t–” The other brunette seemed to have got out of her frozen state. She put her hands behind my neck and pulled me back into a kiss, which I happily responded. 

Raven’s lips tasted so good. My fingers found their way to my best friend’s ponytail and I pulled the hair elastic to remove it. I ran my fingers to her hair and hear Raven sigh. The kiss became more confident and our bodies got closer; everything about the kiss was very much enjoyable. I sucked on her bottom lip and smoothened it with my tongue afterwards. Raven pressed her hips to mine and I smiled, pulling a little bit back from air. “So… was it good?” I asked the other brunette with a smirk. I knew it was, I somehow only wanted to have her confirmation. 

“We’ve been kissing for the past two minutes, O.” She rolled her eyes at me and I chuckled.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” I really wanted to keep kissing her, but I wanted to make some things clear. “You know, I don’t… want things to get… get w-weird. Could you… you know, not…”

“We keep this between us, I get it. I don't want things to be awkward either.” She said exactly what I had on my mind. “Our little secret.”

I nodded and bit slightly on my lower lip. The movement caught Raven’s attention and she smiled at me. “You’re so cute when you’re nervous.” She chuckled and I knew nothing would be weird between her and me. “You don’t have to be nervous. We're best friends, right?” She winked at me, then she was the one initiating the next kiss and I was very pleased about it.

After the sleepover at my house that weekend, everything went back to normal. Raven and I did like we never kissed each other and promised that everything would not be weird between us.

I was glad to have a secret to keep with her, because she was my best friend in the whole world.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been pretty busy lately, but I meant to post this chapter a lot earlier in the month. Work is taking a lot of my time and I took some time off at a friend’s cottage. So there is the next chapter; sorry, it is not edited yet, as well as the first chapter. I hope you will like it. 
> 
> Please, feel free to comment, leave kudos or bookmark! (but I like comments very much.)

I was very happy to start of 9th grade, because it meant that I would see the friends I didn’t see while on vacation. As usual, I spent the summer at the camp, with Bellamy, Lexa and Clarke. I enjoyed the activities, but I eventually got tired and I missed Raven a lot. We couldn’t talk because there was no service nor internet at the camp, so I barely spoke to her for about two months. Since we got a little bit closer, I knew it would have been hard to stay far from her for the summer, but not that hard. 

When Mother came to pick us up at the summer camp, I was ecstatic and rushed to put my bags in the car. The car ride seemed to be a little longer than usual, or maybe that was because Bellamy was behind the wheel; he was still learning under an adult supervision, so he had to take it easy and drive like a mother fucking turtle. I tried to sleep, but I just couldn’t. Not because I was very looking forward seeing Raven again, mostly because Bellamy kept slamming the breaks at the last fucking seconds. I yelled at him that he was the worse driver ever and Mother told me to keep my mouth shut, telling me that he needed to learn in order to drive alone. 

We got home after a few hours and I immediately called my best friend. There was no answer and I felt a bit irritated, because I spent the whole summer waiting to talk and see Raven and she wasn’t even answering. I sighed and took my bags, walking to my bedroom. 

As soon as I entered the room, someone jumped on me and I scream the hell out, dropping my bags on the wooden floor. I heard the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard and I felt my heart slamming in my chest, as I recognized my best friend. She pinned me to my bed and got on top of me – while nearly strangling me. “You idiot almost gave me a heart attack, fuck you!” I yelled at her, but it wasn’t a reproach, I was just so clearly happy to see her. I heard Mother shout to watch my mouth or she would clean it with soap if she catch me swearing again – deep down, I know she totally would do it. Raven and I laughed together until she sat next to me, putting her arm on my shoulders. 

“I really missed you.” She said to me with a very deep and low voice that made me shiver. I avoided her gaze for a few seconds and that’s when I realized something. 

She was wearing a brace at her leg. 

She noticed that I was looking down and she turned her head, clearly uncomfortable. I looked at her and frowned. “Raven?” I took her chin in my hand and forced her to turn her head and look at me. “What the hell happened to you?”

She gave me a sad smile and I tried to pretend I didn’t see tears at the corner of her eyes. “We were hanging out in the park and… Murphy showed up, we got into a fight.” My eyes widened. “It got out of hands and… there were several kids involved.” She sighed and I ran a hand through her hair to calm her a little bit. “He pushed me and my spine landed on a very sharp rock. It took a few minutes before realizing that I couldn’t feel my leg and move.”

“So… it’s bad?” She nodded and looked down. I felt terrible for asking her that, but I needed to know. “I’m sorry, Raven.” Was all I could say to comfort her a little. 

“It sucks but… I’m dealing with it.” She answered, closing her eyes and putting her head on my shoulder. I wanted to reassure her, tell her that it was going to be fine, but it was clearly not. “I just need to wear that brace constantly, except when I’m sleeping or showering.”

I bit my lips and felt very angry at Murphy; that stupid kid, him and Cage, always bullied them and it was never a good thing when they were around. “They could have killed you.” I said in a very low and angry voice. 

My tone surprized my best friend and I felt her gaze on me. “But they haven’t. No one could get rid of me that easily, come on.” She gave me a very small smile and I pinched my lips. “I just hope you won’t see me as your crippled friend.”

“Uh-uh, best friend.” I immediately corrected her. The corners of my lips moved into a tiny smile. “Best friend that I very much missed over the summer.”

She nudged me in the ribs with a few fingers and I squealed. “Of course you did.” 

After coming back to town and to Raven, we spent even more time together. She slept at least three times a week at my place, even when we had school. Mother told us that it would help for our classes, because we shared them all and had a few projects to complete together. I was just glad to spend more time with my best friend. 

 

When Clarke’s mother went for a vacation out of town for a weekend, leaving her daughter alone at their house, no one expected the blonde to throw a party in her house. This time, it wasn’t their regular movies and sleepover nights; there was alcohol that Clarke found in her mother’s office in their basement. There were a few bottles of Rum, Whiskey and Tequila. I’d never drank alcohol in my life, so I wasn’t sure if I should drink some or not, but Raven told me it would be fun if we stop while feeling slightly intoxicated. 

I drank a lot more than expected and Wells had to take the bottle of my hands before I could drink more. I hated the taste of Whiskey in my mouth; it truly was disgusting. But I liked the warm feeling of the liquid going down my throat and the feeling it procured me afterwards.

Clarke said that she wanted to play Spin the Bottle with the now empty Whiskey bottle a lot of the group cheered, Raven included. She dragged me to the circle and that was when I found myself playing along with them, because everyone in the circle had to play. My best friend looked at me with a smug smirk and winked at me. 

“I’ll start.” Clarke said, putting the bottle on the ground and spinning it. Everyone waited patiently for the object to stop moving, pointing on Finn. Things were a little bit weird, because they dated each other for a few months, before Clarke realized that she wasn’t very into him; the teenager obviously only wanted to be with the blonde because she was a popular girl in the school. They still stayed in good terms, because Finn was still part of our group of friends. I watched her lean over him and they kiss for several seconds, then stopped. They looked at each other and chuckled. “Your turn, Collins.” She said to him, giving him a slight tap on the shoulder. 

Everyone laughed their asses off when the bottle stopped on my brother, who just scoffed and said that he would kiss no boys. For not following the rules, Bellamy had to chug the rest of his drink and I knew he was already pretty tipsy by the dopey smile he had on his lips. He drank it anyway – anything for not kissing a boy. I called him “Chicken-hearted” and he held his middle finger at me. Raven kept teasing him for a few seconds before he made the bottle spin again. 

“No way in hell I’m kissing my brother!” I exclaimed myself. 

“Then you’ll have to drink it up, buttercup!” Anya crossed her arms on her chest and raised a brow. I got on my knees and moved closer to Bellamy. A part of me didn’t wanted to lose the challenged, but I knew my own brother wouldn’t kiss me on the lips. So I kissed him on the cheek, then took his head with my hands and liked from his jawline to his temple. He groaned and pushed me back, wiping his cheek. 

“You’re fucking disgusting.” He muttered and Raven laughed. 

“According to myself, this was way better than a kiss.” My best friend said, clapping her hands together a few times. 

I said nothing and took the Whiskey bottle to spin it. I waited to see who I had to kiss. Jasper. The boy smiled at me – in a weird way – then leaned slightly. I kissed him and was much surprized to see that he kept it very simple and short. When I correctly sat back at my place, I saw that Raven was looking at the bottle, avoiding my gaze. 

Jasper had to kiss Maya. After that, the girl refused to kiss Anya (everyone knew Maya was kinda scared of her). Anya quickly kissed Lexa, who finally had to kiss Clarke. When the bottle landed on Raven and I realized that the blonde was going to lock lips with my best friend, I felt a little bit irritated. Seeing them kissing each other made me feel like something was wrong – or maybe that was just because I drank way too much alcohol that night, I don’t know. 

I realized that the bottle landed on me and Raven smirked again. She waited to see if I wanted to do the challenge and I smirked at her. She leaned and pressed her lips at mine, slowly, then she put her hand behind my neck to keep me in place. I was surprized that she deepened the kiss, probably because I was expecting it to not last long. Everyone cheered at us and Raven finally broke the kiss. I looked at her lips and wanted to kiss them again, realizing that I missed kissing her – even if we only did once before, only because Raven asked me to. 

“Shit.” Jasper said. “That was like… super hot.” And I noticed that everyone’s eyes were on me and my best friend. She made a smug smile as I reached to turn the bottle again. 

My cheeks turned red and I was glad that I didn’t have to talk to my friends, because it landed for the second time on Raven and I felt very nervous about that. She sensed it and kissed me more quickly than our previous kiss, which I was thankful for. There was no surprised that the bottle landed on me again. “That shit’s cursed or what.” I muttered and Raven chuckled. 

“Shut up O, I’m the best kisser here.” My best friend retorted. 

Clarke cleared her throat and looked at us. “Do you guys know the rules?” She asked and we shook negatively our heads. “After three times, its seven minutes in heaven.” I raised my eyebrows, wondering what it was. “You have to stay seven minutes in a closet together.”

“And do what?” I asked and a few of my friends chuckled. 

“Do whatever you girls want.” She said with a smirk, implying many things. I rolled my eyes at the blonde and got up, then helped Raven to get up on her feet. She was still wearing her brace and her movements were a little bit limited with it; she always had a hard time getting up. 

I didn’t know why for, but I was really nervous to be alone seven whole minutes into a closet with my best friend, especially because the alcohol made feel like I wasn’t acting normal around her. After making us a little bit more space in the closet, pushing the clothes and shoes on the sides, Raven closed the door and sat beside me. I didn’t like being in the dark like that, but the taller brunette put a hand on my thigh to reassure me. 

“Listen O., we don’t have to do anything.” She said, breaking the silence. A part of me agreed with her. 

But I wanted to kiss her so bad. Now, I had the chance to do it without every of our friends looking at us. I felt the need of her warm embrace and her soft lips against. I know a part of my feelings were amplified because of the alcohol, but that didn’t stop me from making a move. 

I easily straddled Raven felt her stiffen for a second, processing what I was doing. Then, her hands were on my thighs again and I heard her breath hitch. She knew I wanted to do more than just sit in the closet and do nothing for seven minutes. The next thing I do is to put my lips in her neck, gently kissing and sucking her pulse point. She immediately sighed at the contact and tilted her head on the side to give me more space.

My hands in her hair, I pushed my body against hers to pin her to the wall. “Fuck.” Raven muttered to herself. Her lips found their way to mine with desperation; kissing her was feeling so natural and so good. 

I knew it must have been crossing the best friend’s barrier to kiss her like that – hell, just my body on hers screamed everything but ‘best friend’. But I couldn’t help to rock my hips against her, trying to relieve the tension building between my legs. She gently bit on my lower lip and I moaned into the kiss. Raven had always been an incredible kisser, even though she thought she hadn’t kiss anyone but me. 

“We should stop.” The other brunette said, pulling off from the kiss and leaning the back of her head on the wall. We were practically out of breath. I stopped moving my hips and bit my lower lip, slightly nodding. 

I didn’t wanted to stop, but I knew I would be pushing the limits of our friendship if I kept going like that. “Yeah.” I managed to breathe out, slowly getting off my best friend. I figured that it would be almost time and the rest of the group would open the closet’s door – probably expecting us to be making out. 

“You’re a good kisser.” Raven said and I chuckled. 

“And you’re better than Atom.”

“Of course I am.” She nudged me with her shoulder. “I’m awesome.”

Like I expected it, Clarke finally opened the door on us pushing each other teasingly; I caught her disappointed glance, but didn’t mention it. Since some of our friends were already getting into their sleeping bags, Raven and I agreed to go to sleep too. We changed into our pyjamas and I helped her to remove her brace, then we cuddled all night, because that was how we always slept together. I wasn’t even sure if I’d be able to sleep without Raven’s face pressed against my back and our legs intertwined. 

I was the first to wake up the morning after the party, mostly because the pain in my stomach. I was very much hungry. I stayed in my position for about ten minutes, then I finally gave up and decided to move, because I felt like my bladder was about to explode. Raven whined a little bit in her sleep because of the loss of contact and I watched her with a sleepy smile on my lips. She took my pillow and wrapped it against her chest, like she was cuddling again with me. Raven was so cute when sleeping. 

I made my way to the bathroom and took care of my business quickly. After washing my hands, I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for something to eat. There was almost no milk left and no bread. I searched under the counter if there would be cereals, because I could totally eat it without milk, it didn’t bother me at all… but I found empty boxes. 

Giving up, I made my way to Clarke’s room and pushed the door. I looked at the bed and froze at the sight.

“Oh lord.” Lexa was in Clarke’s bed. They were naked and not covered by enough blankets, according to myself. The two girls didn’t even acknowledged my presence in the room and I blushed furiously, looking at Clarke biting her lips, obviously trying to not make noises, which would alert our group of friends sleeping in the living room. Her face was torn apart from the pleasure Lexa was giving her with her fingers. 

As Lexa finally pulled away from Clarke’s neck, she noticed me standing there, watching them. “Octavia, what the hell?!” She asked, covering their bodies with blankets. It was too late, I saw too much, but I still closed my eyes and turned my back. 

“Sorry! I should’ve… knock.” I whispered loud enough for them to hear. Then I got out of the room and closed the door quickly, trying to wipe of the image of my two friend having sex together. When did that happen, like, seriously?!

I bumped into Raven just when I closed the door and she looked at me with her still sleepy grin. “Hey, I was wondering why you were not sleeping.” She explained to me, then she noticed my shocked expression. “What’s up?”

“Uh, I just… Nothing?” I answered. “Was hungry.” I played with my hands and heard the door open behind me. Raven jerked her eyebrows. I turned my head to see Lexa, covered with clothes now, blushing probably more than me. 

“Oh.” Raven smiled. “You just found out that these two were sleeping together, I get it.” 

“What?” Lexa said with a questioning gaze.

“I just wonder how everyone didn’t even notice.” My best friend started, leaving Lexa and I confused. “No but, seriously. How long, a month? Two?”

The other brunette was left speechless and that amused Raven, of course. “How did you figure out?” Clarke appeared behind Lexa, wrapped in a blanket. 

“Come on! What sold you out was the way Lexa looks at you. Really, Lex, I’ve never seen someone thirstier than you.” 

“Just so you know, that very took me by surprise.” I said, still trying to remove the image of their naked bodies entangled – even though I could still admit that it would have been very hot if they weren’t my friend (it still was, I could not deny that they were attractive girls). “I just came to ask for food.”

“Right.” Clarke sighed. “I’ll be in the kitchen in two minutes, okay?”

“If that’s how long it takes you to finish…” Raven smirked and nudged my ribs. I grimaced. 

“Really, Raven?” Lexa was possibly trying to kill my best friend with her gaze – by that, I mean definitely. 

“Just… don’t talk about it?” My blonde haired friend looked down. “It’s just, I’m not out yet and… our families doesn’t know. We would like to tell them before.”

“It’s totally fine, guys!” I tried to reassure them.

“Okay, lovebirds, but you know it won’t stop me from teasing a little.” Raven winked. 

 

It didn’t take long before Lexa and Clarke told their families that they were dating – Abby reacted way better than her daughter expected. Maybe that was because they already lost Clarke’s father and that she was an only child. Lexa’s parents, on the other hand, tried to talk to her that it was just a phase and every bullshit homophobic parents try to put in their children’s head. Lexa didn’t take that crap and she found refuge at Clarke’s for a few days, until the tension in her house had almost disappeared. 

When they announced to our group of friends that they were together and have been for the past three months (yup, that surprized Raven too), everyone was very supportive. During a time, they were bullied by Murphy and Cage because of the nature of their relation, but they finally stopped because the couple didn’t pay them attention. 

As for Raven and I, we didn’t mention to our friends that we kissed in the closet while playing seven minutes in heaven. I don’t know why, I just didn’t want to share and it seemed like Raven wanted to keep this for herself too. 

I have to say that things got a little bit awkward for a moment between us. She said that she was very busy and that her familial situation was not at its best, but I knew she was avoiding me on purpose. I started to wonder why and, obviously, the only reason I had in mind was because of our closet thing. 

Lately, Bellamy started to ask me about boys, to see if I had anyone in mind, but I looked at him with a questioning glance and he quickly stopped asking. But it made me think about my sexuality, especially since I kissed Raven twice and wouldn’t mind doing it anytime soon. When I was looking at the way Lexa was looking a Clarke, I felt a little bit of jealousy. They were like the perfect couple and looked very happy together and I wanted to be happy too. 

One day, I went to Clarke’s. Without Raven. My blonde friend acknowledged this and quirked her eyebrows. “Where’s Rave?” She asked and I sighed.

“She said she has to catch up with math homework.” I answered. 

“What’s up with you two? Had a fight?”

“No… I just… I think she’s been avoiding me.” 

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” But really, I knew it must have been because of our kiss. Otherwise, she would still hang out with me 24/7. I avoided Clarke’s gaze. “If I tell you something, you promise not to tell the others, especially Raven?” I reluctantly asked my friend. 

“Of course, O.”

“I think… I really like her.” I pinched my lips together; it feels strange to admit it to someone else than myself. I see Clarke nodding from the corner of my eyes, but she stayed silent, obviously waiting for me to talk, but not pushing me. “But she’s my best friend and I don’t want things to get weird between us.”

“Oh, believe me I get it, it was the same with Lexa, you know. She told me she didn’t want to ruin what we have, but we always came back at each other and we decided it was better to be together.” She explained to me. “Do you think that she is been avoiding you because she might suspects that you like her?”

“No… Well, maybe, uh…” I took two or three breath before answering Clarke. “We kissed. More than once, even before the party, and in the closet…”

“You should maybe try and talk to her about it. See how she feels about the kisses, but try to be subtle.” 

“Yeah…”

 

Following Clarke’s pieces of advice didn’t end up like I wish it had. It was a Friday afternoon and I managed to catch up with Raven, who immediately left school to walk to her house. She looked exhausted but I didn’t mention it. Instead, I smiled at her and helped her with her bags – she had a group project and had to build a model of something for her history class. She returned the smile and I noticed that she was obviously not feeling well. I wanted to know what was up with her, but didn’t want to push either. I bit my lower lip for a moment and finally spoke. “Raven, what’s happening with you?” She looked at me with a frown, like she was trying to tell me that everything was fine, but I could see right through her; she was my best friend, after all. “Oh, come on, you’ve been avoiding me for days.”

“It’s not about you, O.” She said, but that wasn’t enough for me.

I gently took her wrist. “I know something’s bothering you.” She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Is it because of me?”

“Of course not!” She stopped walking and looked into my eyes. “No it’s… my birth mother contacted me. And I don’t know what to do about that.”

“Oh my god.” 

“Yeah… we had a conversation on the phone. She wants to meet me.” 

“And your father?” I asked. 

“She told me he was the reason why she put me into an orphanage. He was not mentally stable when she was pregnant of me, he was very aggressive towards her and she left him. Apparently, after a few years, he got himself a criminal file and went to prison.”

“So he’s in prison?”

“Not anymore.” Raven lowered her gaze. “He suicided himself four months ago, just before he was released.”

“Okay… how do you feel about your birth mother contacting you? Do you want to see her?”

“I don’t know.” She admitted. “I… she’s never been there, you know? All my life, she could have contacted me and she never did. Now that he’s dead, she wants to see me and act like mother of the year? Hell no!” I saw the tears in her eyes and quickly pressed her body against mine, trying to comfort her. 

“Shh, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want, Rave.” I feel her head resting against my shoulder. “I wish you told me about this, though.” 

She sniffled. “Sorry, it’s just… I wasn’t ready to talk about her to anyone, not just you.” 

“I’m sorry I pushed you to talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay.” She pulled off a little to look at me in the eyes. She cupped my cheeks and I feel them reddening. “I needed to talk about it at some point… but hey, why did you think it was about you?”

I felt my heartrate rise, because all I can think of is that Raven is cupping my cheeks and our bodies are pressed together. “It’s very stupid, you know…” Maybe I was just trying to get away with it, but Raven rolled her eyes again at me. 

“Is that because we kissed?” She asked me and I felt my cheeks reddening again. “O, you’re my best friend, we were tips and it wasn’t a big thing.”

“Yeah, but the way you were avoiding me, I thought that…” I started, but my best friend interrupted me.

“Do I have to kiss you again to convince you that I’m okay that we kissed?” 

“What?” I raised my eyebrows and tried very hard to not lower my gaze and look at her beautiful red lips, because yeah, I would not mind to kiss her again. Maybe just not right there, because we were in public and I wasn’t sure I wanted everyone to have a view of us kissing. 

“I’m kidding, O.” She chuckled and pulled off; I immediately miss the contact of her body against mine, but I know it could definitely become awkward between us if I pull her against me again and for an undetermined amount of time. 

 

When we started sophomore year, Clarke decided to throw parties at her house every once in a while and everyone ends up drinking cheap beer or Vodka or Tequila mixed with juices. We know we are just teenagers and, of course, too young to drink that kind of things, but like Anya said, “We must enjoy those parties and make memories”. I was surprized that even Wells agreed to drink along with us, since he was always more inclined to follow the rules. Maybe that was because his parents were divorcing and he was into his ‘rebelling teenager phase’ or something. Raven was the one in charge of the alcohol, since her mother was an alcoholic and didn’t even noticed the disappearing bottles of her precious liquid. 

That Friday night, after school, I had a huge fight with Mother. She was always on my back for something, anything; “Octavia, did you clean your room?” or “Did you do your homework?” It was getting on my nerves and I finally stood up and talked to her back, saying that I was old enough to take care of myself without her. Things degenerated quickly, we yelled at each other and, of course, Bellamy had to get into it too. 

I left home on my bicycle and went to Clarke’s house. Raven texted me that she was already there with Lexa and Clarke – complaining that she was feeling very much like a third wheel – and saying that she would love my company. It was a nice idea, because I really needed to think about something else than my Mother. 

I pushed the Griffin’s front door without knocking and I went in the living room. As soon as I saw Raven, I walked to her, sitting on her side and putting my head on her shoulder. She noticed that something was wrong, so she just leaned her head on mine. All I wanted to do was crying in her arms, but I also didn’t want to look all depressed and smudging my makeup. “I’ve had a fight with my mom.” I finally spoke. 

“Well, well… what did you do this time, Octavia Blake?” She said, imitating Mother’s voice perfectly. I know she is only trying to make me feel better and it does a little bit. 

“Oh, well, I’m such a difficult teenager to take care of, apparently.” I scoffed, pinching my lips together. 

“Hell, hopefully she doesn’t have to take care of me!”

“She also said that I must’ve got this temper from you.” I informed the taller brunette. 

“Must be true, though.” She smiled and nudged me in the ribs with her elbow. 

Four hours later, I am ‘kissing the ceramic throne’, commonly called the toilet. I drank too much for what I can handle and Raven helped me get to the bathroom as soon as she saw me silently trying to get to it. I had a very bad headache and I was trying to not throw up, but it ended that way eventually. 

Raven was there all the time, holding my hair like every best friend was supposed to do while you are too drunk to even stand up by yourself. Raven saw that coming, maybe because of the conversation we had about Mother and me fighting earlier the same day. She knew I wasn’t feeling bad – she even told me that I should slow down with the drinks – but we played drinking games and I like to play them with our friends.

The next morning is very unpleasant; I’m not even in the bathroom, but it’s the last place I recall being, and I have a horrible headache, worse than the previous night. My mouth tastes like acid and I feel like I want to throw up again, but I think about something else because I’m in bed, I don’t know in which room of Clarke’s house. The next thing I acknowledged was that I was in underwear. I turned my head and realized that Raven was sleeping peacefully next to me. 

Nope. Moving my head wasn’t the best of ideas; I quickly sat in the bed, too fast for my stomach to handle, then I noticed that someone put a trash can on the side of the bed. Very, very wise, since I only had the time to pick it up before throwing up with the most disgusting noises that someone could hear. And it smells bad too.

The noises alerted my best friend, who sat in the bed and gently rubbed her warm hand against the skin of my back. I honestly feel like the worse friend ever, because I had been drunk and sick all night – and I still. Raven surely did not enjoyed herself when she started babysitting me. 

“You’re good?” She asked me. I shook my head negatively and threw up again and I want to slap myself for Raven to support my sick ass self. 

“I’m sorry.” I croaked out, after finishing puking. I am very sure that there’s nothing left in my stomach to vomit. “Why am I in underwear?” I put down the trash can and look around the room to find my clothes. 

“There was a little accident with your clothes.” She explained to me. “You puked on them, so we put them in the washing machine.”

“Thank you, Raven.” Was the only thing I said to thank her, but I wish I had said much more. 

“You’re welcome, O. Jasper was pretty sick too, that’s why we had to move you here.” I recognized the guest bedroom. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yup, I don’t think there’s something left in my stomach now.” I sighed. “I should really put the trash can somewhere else. And clean it.” I stood up slowly. Raven chuckled and I turned my head to look at her.

“Maybe put some clothes on first.” She teased me and I blushed a little, nodding. She took her bag and threw me a plain white t-shirt and a black pair of shorts. They were just a bit too large for me, since I was smaller (but not too much) than Raven. “There, it’s better.” She said with a grin. 

I went to the bathroom and discovered Jasper sleeping in the tub. If I had my cellphone on me, I probably would have had taken a picture of him for reminding him how he ended his night, even though I ended up just like him. After cleaning the trash can, I moved to the kitchen and chugged down two glasses of water, because I was very dehydrated and that could only help with my horrible headache. Even the light of the day was making it painful and I totally understood why, in movies, the characters with terrible hangover would put on sunglasses for the entire day. 

“Hey there, champ.” I recognized my brother’s voice. I turned my head and saw him sitting at the table, joining his hands together. “You okay this morning?”

“Nope.” I took another sip of my water. “I’ve been sick again, but now I think I’ll be fine. I just think my head’s going to explode anytime soon.”

“Yes, I’ve been there too.” He nodded and I clearly remember the last time he had been drunk just like me. He stayed at Jasper’s house for the weekend, because he didn’t wanted Mother to know about it. He also puked on my very new shoes. The bastard. 

“I don’t even know how I ended up in the guest’s bedroom. Or to the bathroom. Last night is kind of blurry.” I told him. 

“Oh, well… I know someone had a little bit of fun.” I jerked one brow, waiting for him to continue. “I knew Raven and you were close, but not that close.”

“What do you mean..?” Did I do something with Raven last night? Because I could not remember anything about that. He smirked at me. 

“After we played a drinking game, you two ended up in the kitchen and… yeah, I have to ask, are you and her dating or something?”

“Bell, what happened in the kitchen?” I asked, not answering his question, because I clearly only wanted to know what happened in the kitchen with Raven. 

“You two were quite kissing the hell out of each other.” He raised his phone and took a picture of me, then showed me. “And maybe just a little bit more, at least before you threw up.”

I looked at the picture of myself, with dishevelled hair and with baggy eyes. I clearly looked like I have a hangover. Everything looked normal, just until something peeked my interest, while I was looking at my neck. “What the fuck.” Bellamy hummed and then found a mirror in the kitchen. 

I looked more closely at my neck and discovered two very dark hickeys that was hidden from the t-shirt I borrowed from my best friend. “Fucking hell.” I muttered to myself. I made out with Raven in the kitchen and could not even remember it. This was official, I was jealous of my drunk self. 

But if it meant that Bellamy knew, it also meant that everyone knew. And this time, it seemed like it wasn’t just a kiss, like the one we share in the closet last year. She marked me. “Maybe you should talk to her about that.” My brother said, pointing my neck. I nodded and left the kitchen.

I knew my best friend would still be in bed, because it was a Saturday morning and she privileged to stay in bed rather than do anything else. So I went in Clarke’s guest’s bedroom to find her asleep again, but not for long. As soon as I sat at the edge of the bed, she opened her eyes a little to look at me. She smiled and I sighed. “Raven.” 

“Octavia.” She answered, stretching a little bit, then taking her initial position in the bed. 

“We need to talk about last night.”

“It’s too early for my brain to work, O.”

“It’s 1 o’clock!” I pushed her and she groaned. “Come on, Bell told me about the kitchen. I don’t know what happened and I don’t want my brother to inform me of what we did.”

“We kissed. It was just for fun.”

“You left hickeys in my neck.”

“What?” She looked up as I pulled the t-shirt’s collar a little bit down. She saw the marks and then blushed. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would mark so easily…” She was serious with her apology.

“And I guess that if Bell knows, everyone knows.” I wasn’t too fond of them knowing about Raven and me kissing. Clarke knew, probably Lexa because she was her girlfriend, but the rest of them… I knew they’ll make fun of us and tease us for what happened last night. 

“Chill, O. They’ll probably forget about it in two weeks. It’s not a big thing.” She retorted.

But it was a big thing for me. As soon as everyone was up, even Jasper, they reminded us about our kissing session. There was even a video taken, by no one else than Jasper, because he thought that would be funny to show and tease us with it.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was meant to be only one chapter, but I realized that it could be a pain in the ass to read 20,000 words straight. I'm not that mean. This will be a 3 chapter story. 
> 
> I edited the chapter, but I will do it another time later (since it's 2 o'clock and I am a bit tired). Hope you liked it, comment and kudos are very appreciated!


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